








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 171 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
237 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,954 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 618 | 32% |
| Smokes | 237 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 496 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 603 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $174,263 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 209 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Margo | 21% | 14 |
| #10 | Knightroaxe1 | 21% | 34 |
| #11 | MCL | 20% | 5 |
| #12 | Ngtp | 20% | 5 |
| #13 | hotdoghandler | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knightroaxe1 | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | metaphase-iwnl- | 1 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knightroaxe1 | 69 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #2 | dzツ | 66 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Cemeries | 46 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | metaphase-iwnl- | 39 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #5 | hotdoghandler | 34 | 0.25 | 1 min |





