








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 414 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 92 | 22% |
| Smokes | 66 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 176 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 80 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $142,382 of utility $238 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 29 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QQ ֆʟʊȶ | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Milk Drinker | 53% | 17 |
| #3 | baba | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | Mean | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | Please Be Seated | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QQ ֆʟʊȶ | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QQ ֆʟʊȶ | 82 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #2 | Please Be Seated | 29 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mean | 19 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #4 | Milk Drinker | 17 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Long Larry | 2 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Please Be Seated | +3.97 | 77 | 68 |
| #2 | Mean | +2.04 | 84 | 56 |
| #3 | Milk Drinker | +1.46 | 69 | 43 |
| #4 | The Anchorman | -0.23 | 71 | 34 |
| #5 | Long Larry | -1.51 | 61 | 65 |





