








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 630 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,408 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2641 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2039 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1810 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1918 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $847,640 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 326 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jondo | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Dove | 48% | 88 |
| #3 | king slick (back in effect) | 45% | 89 |
| #4 | Burt | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | Gig | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jondo | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Dove | 48% | 88 |
| #3 | king slick (back in effect) | 45% | 89 |
| #4 | Burt | 41% | 29 |
| #5 | Gig | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dove | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | king slick (back in effect) | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Gig | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | king slick (back in effect) | 205 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Dove | 175 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Gig | 81 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Burt | 66 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jondo | 41 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dove | +3.35 | 68 | 58 |
| #2 | Jondo | -0.36 | 72 | 51 |
| #3 | me llamo jeff | -0.42 | 52 | 63 |
| #4 | Gig | -1.18 | 28 | 48 |
| #5 | king slick (back in effect) | -1.33 | 39 | 52 |





