








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 230 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 355 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 105 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,182 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2714 | 19% |
| Smokes | 3814 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3750 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3904 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $895,641 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | G2 NiKo | 62% | 39 |
| #2 | ScreaM_FTW 25 | 58% | 36 |
| #3 | Drag_Plays | 57% | 42 |
| #4 | StyX 2.0 | 55% | 53 |
| #5 | HarshRat | 52% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gatsby | 392 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | HarshRat | 325 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | z1 | 262 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Excel is better. | 249 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | StyX | 202 | 0.08 | 5 min |





