








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
155 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 176 | 28% |
| Smokes | 128 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 184 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 130 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $119,753 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | coochie boy | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | deetee- | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Icebear | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | elio- | 59% | 17 |
| #5 | j4nt3 | 57% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | elio- | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | j4nt3 | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Icebear | 1 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | coochie boy | 1 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | not available | 1 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j4nt3 | 188 | 0.32 | 4 min |
| #2 | Icebear | 84 | 0.32 | 2 min |
| #3 | coochie boy | 76 | 0.35 | 1 min |
| #4 | elio- | 68 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #5 | not available | 28 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deetee- | +4.36 | 75 | 74 |
| #2 | j4nt3 | +3.00 | 68 | 62 |
| #3 | elio- | +2.74 | 73 | 70 |
| #4 | Icebear | +1.51 | 83 | 71 |
| #5 | coochie boy | +0.36 | 66 | 62 |





