








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 40 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1186 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,668 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 412 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1518 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 746 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 992 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $221,870 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 53 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ro_@N3Y | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | W A T S O N _ | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | R3.2K | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | White | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝓩𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓐 | 63% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #17 | WHOsNEXT | 42% | 12 |
| #18 | NiKo | 40% | 10 |
| #19 | AIHSAT | 39% | 18 |
| #20 | John Wick | 28% | 18 |
| #21 | NarC☯$ | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UwU JaKsZ | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Br4v0 Jr. | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | John Wick | 3 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | exclaimer | 2 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | ✪ 𝓩𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓐 | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UwU JaKsZ | 146 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #2 | Br4v0 Jr. | 110 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✪ 𝓩𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓐 | 108 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | SeekNDstroy | 76 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | S A M U | 68 | 0.08 | 2 min |





