








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 869 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 479 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 287 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 28 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9899 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,199 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4105 | 15% |
| Smokes | 6906 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 8670 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 7518 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,357,151 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | ♕MINI MAC♕ | 47% | 81 |
| #9 | Toodels | 45% | 344 |
| #10 | SilverSurfer | 45% | 82 |
| #11 | TÆP™ | 42% | 231 |
| #12 | Gimli | 40% | 63 |





