








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 541 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5825 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,837 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9167 | 33% |
| Smokes | 4850 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 7060 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6760 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,570,722 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 880 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | e0x#6Lv%w | 56% | 34 |
| #2 | titmouse | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | quasi | 50% | 216 |
| #4 | duwap kaine | 48% | 367 |
| #5 | hem | 47% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | titmouse | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | quasi | 50% | 216 |
| #4 | duwap kaine | 48% | 367 |
| #5 | hem | 47% | 72 |
| #6 | elqu | 44% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duwap kaine | 23 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | quasi | 14 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | titmouse | 7 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | elqu | 5 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | e0x#6Lv%w | 4 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | duwap kaine | 932 | 0.12 | 20 min |
| #2 | quasi | 696 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #3 | hem | 349 | 0.22 | 10 min |
| #4 | elqu | 136 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | titmouse | 61 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | titmouse | +2.51 | 73 | 57 |
| #2 | hem | +1.43 | 71 | 70 |
| #3 | duwap kaine | +0.37 | 54 | 50 |
| #4 | quasi | +0.25 | 58 | 54 |
| #5 | e0x#6Lv%w | -1.05 | 50 | 52 |





