








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,929 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 963 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1260 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 983 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 723 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,297,865 of utility $236 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugesmeister | 43% | 21 |
| #2 | kaffé | 40% | 48 |
| #3 | Nodders | 36% | 25 |
| #4 | Yung Fukushima | 28% | 40 |
| #5 | HugeCochrane | 27% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | kaffé | 40% | 48 |
| #3 | Nodders | 36% | 25 |
| #4 | Yung Fukushima | 28% | 40 |
| #5 | HugeCochrane | 27% | 30 |
| #6 | ✪ Bepsi | 23% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HugeCochrane | 13 | 0.0212 |
| #2 | kaffé | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Yung Fukushima | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Nodders | 2 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugesmeister | 72 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | kaffé | 46 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | HugeCochrane | 33 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪ Bepsi | 27 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #5 | Nodders | 8 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AbLe TaBeL | +0.80 | 54 | 42 |
| #2 | kaffé | +0.27 | 50 | 48 |
| #3 | HugeCochrane | -0.36 | 45 | 42 |
| #4 | Nodders | -1.80 | 21 | 38 |
| #5 | ✪ Bepsi | -2.36 | 44 | 49 |





