










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
205 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 454 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 62 | 14% |
| Smokes | 45 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 192 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 155 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $67,511 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HugeCochrane | 5 | 0.0208 |
| #2 | AbLe TaBeL | 3 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | kaffé | 2 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | Yung Fukushima | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | n3w0 | 1 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hugesmeister | 21 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #2 | AbLe TaBeL | 15 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #3 | n3w0 | 13 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪ Bepsi | 11 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #5 | HugeCochrane | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |





