








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
488 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,919 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 311 | 16% |
| Smokes | 382 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 980 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 246 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $165,480 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rainb0w | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Steelworm | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | Panigale# | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | Der Gigant aus dem All | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | John Silver | 56% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Die Kraft des Bieres | 108 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | Der Gigant aus dem All | 64 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ragnar | 54 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Prinzen Rolle | 53 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Woidl | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |





