








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,665 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1081 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3363 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 2492 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1729 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,213,640 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 215 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Recently | 48% | 191 |
| #8 | Iman Shitpants | 47% | 38 |
| #9 | Gerber Baby Burrito | 45% | 31 |
| #10 | Robin D. Banks | 42% | 85 |
| #11 | CracklingReaper | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pope TM | 19 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | Recently | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Iman Shitpants | 11 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | Shanks D. Snitch | 10 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | yao ming cooka da pizza | 8 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Recently | 376 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #2 | Shanks D. Snitch | 261 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | Pope TM | 211 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | yao ming cooka da pizza | 201 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | ZephyrShockwave | 82 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yao ming cooka da pizza | +3.80 | 91 | 59 |
| #2 | Pope TM | +2.09 | 79 | 54 |
| #3 | Shanks D. Snitch | +1.60 | 63 | 51 |
| #4 | American Cyber Terrorist | +1.53 | 35 | 3 |
| #5 | dobby drinks modelo | +0.58 | 62 | 46 |





