








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 156 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1047 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,513 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1034 | 23% |
| Smokes | 973 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1463 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1043 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $378,421 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 196 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | dobby drinks modelo | 52% | 56 |
| #8 | yao ming cooka da pizza | 51% | 144 |
| #9 | Iman Shitpants | 50% | 26 |
| #10 | Ketchup | 43% | 60 |
| #11 | American Cyber Terrorist | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yao ming cooka da pizza | 19 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Ketchup | 11 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | rizz | 11 | 0.0126 |
| #4 | Gerber Baby Burrito | 9 | 0.0294 |
| #5 | Iman Shitpants | 5 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yao ming cooka da pizza | +3.70 | 87 | 59 |
| #2 | Justinian | +0.95 | 68 | 49 |
| #3 | rizz | +0.63 | 53 | 54 |
| #4 | Iman Shitpants | -0.34 | 51 | 47 |
| #5 | American Cyber Terrorist | -0.35 | 34 | 3 |





