








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 819 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 560 matches | ||
| Faceit | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 92 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,705 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7808 | 24% |
| Smokes | 9557 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 7858 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 7482 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,960,880 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | abNul | 58% | 142 |
| #2 | cOMO*[A] | 57% | 51 |
| #3 | ☯ Zoid` Woop Woop | 56% | 57 |
| #4 | Harry Potier | 56% | 59 |
| #5 | Mme.Fougère | 55% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | RosesAreRed | 51% | 291 |
| #12 | m e l k y | 50% | 90 |
| #13 | Edwearth | 49% | 314 |
| #14 | Bigpan | 42% | 251 |
| #15 | Exo | 39% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bigpan | 15 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | cathkar | 8 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Edwearth | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | *Razor-Ramon * | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | RosesAreRed | 4 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cathkar | 1543 | 0.18 | 44 min |
| #2 | Bigpan | 787 | 0.15 | 17 min |
| #3 | Edwearth | 782 | 0.12 | 20 min |
| #4 | abNul | 739 | 0.25 | 20 min |
| #5 | *Razor-Ramon * | 583 | 0.15 | 11 min |





