








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 61 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 223 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 96 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3810 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,920 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1986 | 14% |
| Smokes | 4422 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4084 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 3428 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,552,921 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 85 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Hyper2442 | 43% | 102 |
| #12 | Eyzoroth | 39% | 59 |
| #13 | `Light <3 | 39% | 49 |
| #14 | ColtonAce | 38% | 94 |
| #15 | Kamiclausy | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hyper2442 | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Chewtoy | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | `Light <3 | 6 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | ColtonAce | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | dolli | 4 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chewtoy | 969 | 0.22 | 22 min |
| #2 | ColtonAce | 236 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | vzo | 185 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | `Light <3 | 166 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hyper2442 | 162 | 0.08 | 3 min |





