










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 368 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3034 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2335 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3162 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2847 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2145 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,082,483 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 588 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hyyprr | 61% | 61 |
| #2 | Eggchan | 48% | 321 |
| #3 | トラックくん | 48% | 48 |
| #4 | Bawas | 48% | 44 |
| #5 | Balaoreo | 43% | 125 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hyyprr | 7 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Eggchan | 6 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Bawas | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | nickels | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Balaoreo | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eggchan | 1187 | 0.17 | 30 min |
| #2 | Balaoreo | 268 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #3 | トラックくん | 172 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Bawas | 166 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hyyprr | 120 | 0.10 | 3 min |





