










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,459 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1640 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1738 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 632 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 449 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $801,682 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 560 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zensunomi | 54% | 155 |
| #2 | Ben Salami | 50% | 131 |
| #3 | Ploxy | 50% | 234 |
| #4 | detoX | 48% | 100 |
| #5 | 蛙 ❀ | 47% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ploxy | 13 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | detoX | 12 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | jordan | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Zensunomi | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | soldier of godrick | 4 | 0.0048 |





