








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 239 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




146 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2924 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,650 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2723 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3025 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3881 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2021 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,664 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1389 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Bong Water | 68 | 0.0131 |
| #2 | Hawking, Stephen | 15 | 0.0156 |
| #3 | Breezy Buttcheeks | 10 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Tru | 4 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Jesse | 4 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Bong Water | 968 | 0.19 | 22 min |
| #2 | Hawking, Stephen | 101 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Breezy Buttcheeks | 96 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | Tru | 71 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jesse | 35 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tru | +2.20 | 49 | 58 |
| #2 | Godfather | +1.25 | 59 | 53 |
| #3 | Dirty Bong Water | +1.17 | 57 | 54 |
| #4 | Hawking, Stephen | -0.09 | 28 | 27 |
| #5 | Breezy Buttcheeks | -1.89 | 37 | 29 |





