








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 74 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1588 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,482 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 771 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1514 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1011 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1186 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $432,715 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yohachi | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Multizether | 60% | 117 |
| #3 | Mohachi | 58% | 48 |
| #4 | Chris | 54% | 41 |
| #5 | Lil Noddy | 53% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mohachi | 258 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #2 | Multizether | 213 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Chris | 96 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Yohachi | 41 | 0.24 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lil Noddy | 18 | 0.05 | 0 min |





