








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1 achievement has been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
348 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 842 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 144 | 17% |
| Smokes | 181 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 285 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 232 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $87,122 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JUNO | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Scrumps | 100% | 3 |
| #3 | Piktonss | 100% | 4 |
| #4 | James | 70% | 20 |
| #5 | Mikey☯ | 63% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Oatmeal | 55% | 11 |
| #8 | Horse | 54% | 13 |
| #9 | BabyJesus | 50% | 8 |
| #10 | badtothebonedave9 | 50% | 8 |
| #11 | AssNapkin | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | Oatmeal | 1 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Scrumps | 1 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Theodin | 80 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #2 | James | 43 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mikey☯ | 29 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #4 | Oatmeal | 23 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Horse | 14 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mikey☯ | +3.40 | 79 | 42 |
| #2 | BabyJesus | +2.94 | 50 | 67 |
| #3 | badtothebonedave9 | +2.42 | 51 | 44 |
| #4 | Svenypoo | +2.07 | 81 | 44 |
| #5 | JUNO | +1.92 | 73 | 9 |





