








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 610 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 53 matches | ||
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4031 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,233 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2079 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3812 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 1794 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2548 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,819,207 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 497 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TacoMan | 65% | 31 |
| #2 | alicerawr | 63% | 64 |
| #3 | ball | 61% | 49 |
| #4 | yung spook | 60% | 75 |
| #5 | Copes | 56% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | M.C.Double | 50% | 179 |
| #9 | Peanuts | 48% | 69 |
| #10 | Gabeki | 47% | 34 |
| #11 | turdsandwich24 | 46% | 67 |
| #12 | Leo | 46% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Copes | 690 | 0.30 | 17 min |
| #2 | Leo | 237 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | mostaccioli | 183 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | turdsandwich24 | 160 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | alicerawr | 155 | 0.12 | 3 min |





