








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 370 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 57 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1754 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,606 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 994 | 28% |
| Smokes | 796 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 895 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 921 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $474,952 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | lyoshka | 61% | 56 |
| #7 | bartke ッ | 60% | 15 |
| #8 | BaAd | 55% | 29 |
| #9 | compl1cated | 47% | 15 |
| #10 | norma1 | 44% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ahmed1mustafa | 5 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | lyoshka | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | BaAd | 3 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | -artizia | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | fucking glizda | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | -artizia | 188 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #2 | fucking glizda | 150 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | lyoshka | 145 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | norma1 | 73 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #5 | BaAd | 60 | 0.10 | 1 min |





