








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 151 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 84 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1482 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,081 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2406 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1389 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 962 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1324 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $549,779 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Orange Shy Guy | 49% | 45 |
| #2 | OnePmpChump | 42% | 117 |
| #3 | FailedPacifist | 39% | 84 |
| #4 | Tomminter | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | TTVSleepyninja1010 | 38% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FailedPacifist | 13 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | Gavin | 3 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | TTVSleepyninja1010 | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | OnePmpChump | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Orange Shy Guy | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TTVSleepyninja1010 | 181 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | OnePmpChump | 140 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Orange Shy Guy | 98 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | FailedPacifist | 89 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Gavin | 67 | 0.07 | 1 min |





