








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 90 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1224 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,937 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1659 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1306 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1756 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1216 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $655,109 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EZf0ur | 63% | 96 |
| #2 | legally addicted to matcha | 56% | 144 |
| #3 | Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal | 51% | 206 |
| #4 | COOKIE CAT | 50% | 121 |
| #5 | obliviated (than a hoe) | 50% | 167 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | legally addicted to matcha | 18 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | obliviated (than a hoe) | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | EZf0ur | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | COOKIE CAT | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal | 1074 | 0.25 | 28 min |
| #2 | legally addicted to matcha | 891 | 0.30 | 25 min |
| #3 | obliviated (than a hoe) | 421 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #4 | EZf0ur | 392 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #5 | COOKIE CAT | 387 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EZf0ur | +5.54 | 82 | 77 |
| #2 | Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal | +2.77 | 73 | 67 |
| #3 | obliviated (than a hoe) | +2.64 | 67 | 67 |
| #4 | legally addicted to matcha | -0.17 | 66 | 72 |
| #5 | COOKIE CAT | -1.27 | 49 | 57 |





