








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 573 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8666 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,444 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 12834 | 38% |
| Smokes | 10209 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 4287 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 6114 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,330,803 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 340 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | legally addicted to matcha | 28 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | obliviated (than a hoe) | 7 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | EZf0ur | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | avg yoasobi listener | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | COOKIE CAT | 4 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | legally addicted to matcha | 1560 | 0.31 | 44 min |
| #2 | EZf0ur | 852 | 0.20 | 25 min |
| #3 | obliviated (than a hoe) | 770 | 0.13 | 24 min |
| #4 | COOKIE CAT | 435 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #5 | avg yoasobi listener | 393 | 0.09 | 10 min |





