








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 83 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,737 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 927 | 34% |
| Smokes | 701 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 653 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 456 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $222,600 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MichaelOVRPWRD | 48% | 54 |
| #5 | ShefJoe | 48% | 21 |
| #6 | fnug | 45% | 33 |
| #7 | Rain3r^^ | 43% | 51 |
| #8 | Vermillion.- | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LouisEX | 9 | 0.0100 |
| #2 | fnug | 8 | 0.0142 |
| #3 | Rain3r^^ | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | MichaelOVRPWRD | 4 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | ShefJoe | 3 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rain3r^^ | 264 | 0.28 | 8 min |
| #2 | fnug | 171 | 0.30 | 5 min |
| #3 | LouisEX | 88 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Eclips3 | 76 | 0.27 | 2 min |
| #5 | ShefJoe | 75 | 0.18 | 2 min |





