








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 2 different maps


Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
50 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 41 | 23% |
| Smokes | 42 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 55 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 37 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $29,200 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | chillin ゾゲぐ | 44% | 9 |
| #2 | BillyFookingKimber | 40% | 5 |
| #3 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | xCrazyClown | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | krok top (58 mph) | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BillyFookingKimber | 40% | 5 |
| #3 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | xCrazyClown | 36% | 11 |
| #5 | krok top (58 mph) | 33% | 9 |
| #6 | špeckahlN | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | krok top (58 mph) | 2 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | chillin ゾゲぐ | 1 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | BillyFookingKimber | 1 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | 53 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #2 | xCrazyClown | 52 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #3 | chillin ゾゲぐ | 21 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | BillyFookingKimber | 16 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | krok top (58 mph) | 11 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | krok top (58 mph) | +5.04 | 82 | 47 |
| #2 | xCrazyClown | +2.22 | 79 | 39 |
| #3 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | +0.69 | 81 | 68 |
| #4 | BillyFookingKimber | -0.24 | 50 | 53 |
| #5 | chillin ゾゲぐ | -1.25 | 69 | 46 |





