








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 584 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,475 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1882 | 42% |
| Smokes | 266 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 1401 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 926 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $237,283 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lurking&baiting&flashing&jumping | 50% | 18 |
| #2 | Jokerino | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Oliver Krško Cigaret | 43% | 23 |
| #4 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | 41% | 17 |
| #5 | KUSEMI NEDA | 40% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Delirium | 36% | 28 |
| #7 | krok top (58 mph) | 35% | 17 |
| #8 | SAMO NE TRAIN | 33% | 15 |
| #9 | chillin ゾゲぐ | 31% | 16 |
| #10 | xCrazyClown | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oliver Krško Cigaret | 7 | 0.0161 |
| #2 | chillin ゾゲぐ | 4 | 0.0138 |
| #3 | SAMO NE TRAIN | 2 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | KUSEMI NEDA | 2 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | Delirium | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Oliver Krško Cigaret | 109 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #2 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | 103 | 0.37 | 3 min |
| #3 | KUSEMI NEDA | 56 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | Delirium | 42 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | lurking&baiting&flashing&jumping | 42 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SAMO NE TRAIN | +4.50 | 88 | 53 |
| #2 | krok top (58 mph) | +4.26 | 87 | 31 |
| #3 | Oliver Krško Cigaret | +2.63 | 78 | 78 |
| #4 | Ethan the Ancient Slut | +2.25 | 85 | 66 |
| #5 | Jokerino | +1.56 | 84 | 51 |





