








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1540 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,909 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1916 | 39% |
| Smokes | 1068 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1206 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 719 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $805,254 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 58 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tony bogues | 54% | 24 |
| #2 | Dra'nakyuek | 54% | 48 |
| #3 | CARL | 47% | 32 |
| #4 | i lizard king | 46% | 72 |
| #5 | tdriz | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | moke | 34% | 35 |
| #11 | glonky | 33% | 81 |
| #12 | bubbled guts | 33% | 49 |
| #13 | doob | 32% | 25 |
| #14 | Horny Guy | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dra'nakyuek | 215 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #2 | bubbled guts | 211 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | moke | 169 | 0.24 | 4 min |
| #4 | I'm Really On Some Other Shit | 141 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | doob | 137 | 0.27 | 4 min |





