








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 616 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 339 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4245 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4153 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3870 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3379 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3398 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,403,959 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 551 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | McMuffin | 57% | 28 |
| #2 | McStuffins | 50% | 181 |
| #3 | Hjorth | 49% | 71 |
| #4 | N4cho | 48% | 155 |
| #5 | LassePhar | 41% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | LassePhar | 41% | 100 |
| #6 | Slantingjoe | 41% | 32 |
| #7 | K1ll3r Mand | 40% | 40 |
| #8 | Th3agx | 33% | 30 |
| #9 | Ræu | 29% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hjorth | 8 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | McStuffins | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | N4cho | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | LassePhar | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | K1ll3r Mand | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | N4cho | 577 | 0.19 | 16 min |
| #2 | McStuffins | 263 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #3 | Slantingjoe | 116 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hjorth | 109 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Th3agx | 106 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slantingjoe | +1.98 | 63 | 71 |
| #2 | Hjorth | +1.88 | 63 | 68 |
| #3 | K1ll3r Mand | +1.65 | 44 | 67 |
| #4 | K4ffe | +1.33 | 74 | 63 |
| #5 | McStuffins | +0.58 | 32 | 74 |





