








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 456 matches | ||
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4897 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6161 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5187 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4814 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3693 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,804,459 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 115 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♛ §UM †ING W◑NG ツ | 49% | 117 |
| #2 | God | 48% | 52 |
| #3 | e | 48% | 48 |
| #4 | TearsFallSilent | 47% | 85 |
| #5 | Ape | 46% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | God | 48% | 52 |
| #3 | e | 48% | 48 |
| #4 | TearsFallSilent | 47% | 85 |
| #5 | Ape | 46% | 74 |
| #6 | Eggi | 45% | 105 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | God | 11 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | ♛ §UM †ING W◑NG ツ | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Eggi | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Ape | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | TearsFallSilent | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eggi | 603 | 0.27 | 19 min |
| #2 | ♛ §UM †ING W◑NG ツ | 342 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | TearsFallSilent | 239 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #4 | God | 129 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Ape | 124 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eggi | +1.35 | 78 | 72 |
| #2 | (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ Bloodeagle | +0.33 | 54 | 71 |
| #3 | ♛ §UM †ING W◑NG ツ | +0.01 | 59 | 74 |
| #4 | e | -0.39 | 55 | 58 |
| #5 | Ape | -0.84 | 43 | 54 |





