








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
247 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 356 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 37% |
| Smokes | 23 | 6% |
| HE Grenades | 174 | 49% |
| Molotovs | 28 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $46,551 of utility $77 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nox | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | ✈johnny airplane✈ | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | Denver Nuggets Jeans | 80% | 5 |
| #4 | vueko! | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | 『Shiro』 | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gallowsCalibrator | 3 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Lilly | 2 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | fallenfalcopivotjabAKAfallenedit | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | sammmmmmyyyyyyyyy | 1 | 0.0032 |





