










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1201 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,138 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 155 | 14% |
| Smokes | 111 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 460 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 412 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $306,098 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 39 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Oki Oki Okiee PAPI STANTANA! | 57% | 40 |
| #4 | G u m s e | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | 𝔤𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔥 | 43% | 14 |
| #6 | Edward Sniff | 43% | 35 |
| #7 | Farsan | 18% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Edward Sniff | 58 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | Oki Oki Okiee PAPI STANTANA! | 51 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #3 | Farsan | 43 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | zzzzzzzzzz | 31 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | G u m s e | 21 | 0.08 | 0 min |





