








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 249 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 282 matches | ||
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,133 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1304 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2668 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2825 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2336 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,051,912 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mega Pint | 58% | 59 |
| #2 | Mega Chinese | 54% | 116 |
| #3 | ✪ Orion | 54% | 37 |
| #4 | el sassquatch | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | korkinavaaja | 50% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | korkinavaaja | 50% | 22 |
| #6 | NEBBA | 49% | 59 |
| #7 | Verhazed | 46% | 35 |
| #8 | TorinG | 44% | 98 |
| #9 | JoKeR | 38% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mega Chinese | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Mega Pint | 8 | 0.0065 |
| #3 | el sassquatch | 8 | 0.0132 |
| #4 | JoKeR | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | NEBBA | 4 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mega Pint | 172 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | NEBBA | 159 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Mega Chinese | 156 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | el sassquatch | 116 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | ✪ Orion | 90 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Verhazed | +1.87 | 81 | 36 |
| #2 | Lord | +1.30 | 42 | 46 |
| #3 | el sassquatch | +0.94 | 72 | 53 |
| #4 | ✪ Orion | +0.79 | 54 | 60 |
| #5 | Mega Chinese | +0.58 | 67 | 54 |





