








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 25 matches | ||
| Esplay | 12 matches | 2,265 | |
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
706 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,497 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 749 | 30% |
| Smokes | 578 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 607 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 563 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $176,593 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Gabzz | 55% | 22 |
| #10 | Mud_Cake ;) | 50% | 6 |
| #11 | chigo | 50% | 16 |
| #12 | cos | 42% | 12 |
| #13 | L0g3n | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gabzz | 68 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #2 | chigo | 64 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | cos | 50 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #4 | Karlsson | 40 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | L0g3n | 28 | 0.14 | 1 min |





