








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 570 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 307 matches | ||
| Faceit | 212 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 78 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,470 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7359 | 34% |
| Smokes | 6577 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2553 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 4981 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,161,641 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1081 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chubby Monster | 58% | 50 |
| #2 | Razzamuffin | 56% | 77 |
| #3 | Shrine | 52% | 281 |
| #4 | Flop | 50% | 336 |
| #5 | ♥ Bizøn is Sexy ♥ | 50% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Shrine | 52% | 281 |
| #4 | Flop | 50% | 336 |
| #5 | ♥ Bizøn is Sexy ♥ | 50% | 118 |
| #6 | CaptainDexxy | 44% | 162 |
| #7 | GPhxntom | 41% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flop | 14 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Shrine | 14 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | ♥ Bizøn is Sexy ♥ | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | GPhxntom | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | CaptainDexxy | 2 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flop | 1510 | 0.21 | 45 min |
| #2 | Shrine | 1393 | 0.23 | 40 min |
| #3 | Razzamuffin | 568 | 0.34 | 16 min |
| #4 | ♥ Bizøn is Sexy ♥ | 554 | 0.21 | 15 min |
| #5 | Chubby Monster | 197 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flop | +2.64 | 73 | 68 |
| #2 | Chubby Monster | +1.63 | 64 | 49 |
| #3 | ♥ Bizøn is Sexy ♥ | +1.54 | 68 | 71 |
| #4 | Shrine | +0.94 | 73 | 70 |
| #5 | {Mr. Kitty} | +0.16 | 76 | 63 |





