








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 593 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 165 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2430 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,533 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3410 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3279 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2021 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2823 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $793,413 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 126 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Canadian Maple | 53% | 17 |
| #2 | 2012bmwm3doorchime.com | 52% | 27 |
| #3 | ASketchyLlama | 52% | 250 |
| #4 | Dug | 49% | 94 |
| #5 | Dr. Pipe, PhD | 49% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ASketchyLlama | 14 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Dug | 13 | 0.0068 |
| #3 | Dr. Pipe, PhD | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Canadian Maple | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ASketchyLlama | 665 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #2 | Dr. Pipe, PhD | 231 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #3 | Dug | 192 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Canadian Maple | 50 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | 2012bmwm3doorchime.com | 21 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dug | +3.78 | 57 | 60 |
| #2 | genghiz | +0.91 | 66 | 56 |
| #3 | ASketchyLlama | -0.25 | 40 | 53 |
| #4 | 2012bmwm3doorchime.com | -1.36 | 57 | 65 |
| #5 | Canadian Maple | -1.61 | 25 | 58 |





