








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 98 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1076 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,219 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 830 | 26% |
| Smokes | 884 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 848 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 657 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $422,082 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | UffeEmma - Da-Pivah //UfoFanger | 50% | 12 |
| #12 | Funky_chicken | 42% | 31 |
| #13 | BroderBudding | 40% | 15 |
| #14 | Riske.. | 33% | 6 |
| #15 | )SW( Kakashi | 33% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larsen☂ | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | fuzzyPants | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Funky_chicken | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Pleb | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | UffeEmma - Da-Pivah //UfoFanger | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tsunami-DK- | 114 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Larsen☂ | 112 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | fuzzyPants | 110 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | Funky_chicken | 56 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | UffeEmma - Da-Pivah //UfoFanger | 33 | 0.13 | 1 min |





