








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 33 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
576 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,123 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 265 | 24% |
| Smokes | 271 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 274 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 313 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $178,765 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HAMMER | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Matt Raul | 73% | 11 |
| #3 | papito | 54% | 24 |
| #4 | ArtDealer | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | vacant | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papito | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Matt Raul | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | pluto | 1 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papito | 97 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | vacant | 89 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | ArtDealer | 46 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | qwporjeoq | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #5 | Matt Raul | 18 | 0.08 | 0 min |





