








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1288 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 696 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 52 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




138 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,068 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6502 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4984 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 7192 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4390 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,003,647 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8739 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jaboi313 | 55% | 51 |
| #2 | Jusu | 51% | 163 |
| #3 | Jonker | 50% | 120 |
| #4 | Kommandant Papi | 48% | 621 |
| #5 | Kommandant Voxel | 48% | 161 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jusu | 51% | 163 |
| #3 | Jonker | 50% | 120 |
| #4 | Kommandant Papi | 48% | 621 |
| #5 | Kommandant Voxel | 48% | 161 |
| #6 | louwrens de palingboer | 46% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kommandant Papi | 86 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | Kommandant Voxel | 13 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Jusu | 8 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | jaboi313 | 7 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | louwrens de palingboer | 4 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kommandant Papi | 789 | 0.06 | 20 min |
| #2 | Kommandant Voxel | 349 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | jaboi313 | 336 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| #4 | Jonker | 276 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Jusu | 234 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jusu | +2.90 | 66 | 47 |
| #2 | jaboi313 | +2.24 | 56 | 64 |
| #3 | louwrens de palingboer | +0.92 | 50 | 55 |
| #4 | Kommandant Tim | +0.76 | 48 | 51 |
| #5 | Jonker | +0.59 | 79 | 54 |





