








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
89 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 121 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 33 | 27% |
| Smokes | 43 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 25 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 20 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,700 of utility $264 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | urinary incontinence | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | shad | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | JunkyDog | 0% | 2 |
| #4 | scrunk | 0% | 2 |
| #5 | machi | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | JunkyDog | 0% | 2 |
| #4 | scrunk | 0% | 2 |
| #5 | machi | 0% | 3 |
| #6 | jalmy | 0% | 3 |
| #7 | loser | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | urinary incontinence | 2 | 0.0465 |
| #2 | jalmy | 1 | 0.0189 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shad | 14 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #2 | loser | 7 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #3 | JunkyDog | 5 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | scrunk | 3 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | jalmy | 2 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shad | +2.79 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | loser | +2.17 | 76 | 68 |
| #3 | JunkyDog | +0.93 | 54 | 65 |
| #4 | machi | -1.78 | 68 | 40 |
| #5 | cabatchi ء | -2.22 | 84 | 49 |





