








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
1314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 572 | 27% |
| Smokes | 758 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 340 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 471 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $307,265 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Sam54 | 50% | 18 |
| #7 | heartkitten. ♡ | 42% | 24 |
| #8 | shneck chess ;} | 33% | 9 |
| #9 | Bussy Pursuer | 33% | 30 |
| #10 | Gerald of River | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dwayne | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | CANDICE | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | James Bongo | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Bussy Pursuer | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | heartkitten. ♡ | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | James Bongo | 194 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | CANDICE | 118 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dwayne | 63 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Bussy Pursuer | 60 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | heartkitten. ♡ | 31 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dwayne | +3.35 | 67 | 59 |
| #2 | Bussy Pursuer | +2.06 | 76 | 59 |
| #3 | ItsNikoBear | +2.02 | 88 | 63 |
| #4 | Nut Nasty | +1.85 | 74 | 56 |
| #5 | James Bongo | +1.34 | 81 | 67 |





