








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 519 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 179 matches | ||
| Premier | 178 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4193 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,918 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3709 | 37% |
| Smokes | 3481 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1820 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 908 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,296,682 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 743 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SneakyZ L'Arsouille | 49% | 41 |
| #2 | $$$_LM_$$$ | 47% | 141 |
| #3 | Barney Stinson | 46% | 301 |
| #4 | Rorschach | 41% | 153 |
| #5 | Paul Kellerman | 37% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $$$_LM_$$$ | 20 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Rorschach | 17 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | Barney Stinson | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Paul Kellerman | 7 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | SneakyZ L'Arsouille | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Barney Stinson | 327 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #2 | Zarsha | 194 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | $$$_LM_$$$ | 167 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | SneakyZ L'Arsouille | 162 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Rorschach | 156 | 0.05 | 5 min |





