








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
246 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 84 | 19% |
| Smokes | 71 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 184 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 99 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $62,352 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | pi pi | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Ondoit | 83% | 6 |
| #3 | Meow | 63% | 27 |
| #4 | DualKim | 63% | 35 |
| #5 | Why so NaCl-y? | 61% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Why so NaCl-y? | 61% | 28 |
| #6 | 『XiTeD』 | 58% | 19 |
| #7 | Fivehead Donki | 57% | 7 |
| #8 | ♥♦♣♠ | 50% | 4 |
| #9 | megu | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Why so NaCl-y? | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Ondoit | 1 | 0.0083 |
| #3 | ♥♦♣♠ | 1 | 0.0122 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DualKim | 73 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Meow | 59 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Why so NaCl-y? | 43 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | 『XiTeD』 | 14 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Ondoit | 14 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♥♦♣♠ | +5.04 | 70 | 41 |
| #2 | Meow | +4.01 | 79 | 56 |
| #3 | Why so NaCl-y? | +2.49 | 66 | 45 |
| #4 | pi pi | +1.84 | 69 | 44 |
| #5 | DualKim | +1.38 | 66 | 50 |





