








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 187 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1309 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,230 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1982 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1719 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 940 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1589 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $268,280 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALIMATRIX | 68% | 31 |
| #2 | HeavyD | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Soletread | 61% | 23 |
| #4 | PastorDolph | 61% | 102 |
| #5 | Shoddy RANDO | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | PastorDolph | 61% | 102 |
| #5 | Shoddy RANDO | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | Cringey ツ | 57% | 14 |
| #7 | Big Mo | 47% | 34 |
| #8 | de_iRicktastic | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PastorDolph | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | ALIMATRIX | 4 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Soletread | 4 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | de_iRicktastic | 4 | 0.0207 |
| #5 | Big Mo | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PastorDolph | 456 | 0.22 | 12 min |
| #2 | Soletread | 142 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #3 | Big Mo | 120 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Cringey ツ | 66 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | ALIMATRIX | 58 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shoddy RANDO | +4.39 | 44 | 76 |
| #2 | yodasoN | +3.85 | 74 | 77 |
| #3 | Cringey ツ | +3.17 | 71 | 73 |
| #4 | HeavyD | +1.90 | 67 | 64 |
| #5 | ALIMATRIX | -0.41 | 42 | 60 |





