








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 21 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 314 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 38 | 12% |
| Smokes | 50 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 132 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 94 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $16,300 of utility $9 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Dibo | 43% | 51 |
| #10 | 1 Year Old Virgin | 43% | 14 |
| #11 | YalamMagic | 41% | 27 |
| #12 | h0rse★ | 40% | 5 |
| #13 | FDL9 | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YalamMagic | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | ✪kiriu | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Naut | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Dibo | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | 1 Year Old Virgin | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Naut | 202 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #2 | ✪kiriu | 131 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Dibo | 96 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | YalamMagic | 96 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | 1 Year Old Virgin | 47 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | h0rse★ | +3.97 | 83 | 68 |
| #2 | Lil Squirt | +3.76 | 66 | 64 |
| #3 | 1 Year Old Virgin | +2.86 | 65 | 58 |
| #4 | Expensive Deranking Service | +2.84 | 54 | 56 |
| #5 | The Bait | +2.43 | 62 | 64 |





