








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
381 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,382 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 316 | 23% |
| Smokes | 405 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 403 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 258 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $104,313 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Graino | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | kyalko | 56% | 32 |
| #3 | bandwidth | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Chipotle Honey | 55% | 31 |
| #5 | hey peter | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bandwidth | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | Chipotle Honey | 2 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | kyalko | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | Shy Guy | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | hey peter | 1 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bandwidth | 109 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #2 | Chipotle Honey | 55 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | kyalko | 43 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shy Guy | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | hey peter | 11 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bandwidth | +3.09 | 58 | 62 |
| #2 | Graino | +2.06 | 74 | 40 |
| #3 | Shy Guy | +0.31 | 58 | 21 |
| #4 | Chipotle Honey | -0.07 | 75 | 62 |
| #5 | Maurice | -1.14 | 59 | 59 |





