








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 244 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 499 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




77 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5609 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,094 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2729 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3650 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3309 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2406 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,494,795 of utility $197 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1508 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boxxy | 49% | 161 |
| #2 | cookedgherkins | 48% | 173 |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | 48% | 241 |
| #4 | R3KM-the-bandit | 47% | 110 |
| #5 | haxrox | 34% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | cookedgherkins | 48% | 173 |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | 48% | 241 |
| #4 | R3KM-the-bandit | 47% | 110 |
| #5 | haxrox | 34% | 59 |
| #6 | Minibeats | 31% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boxxy | 20 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | FuckenSassM8 | 10 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | R3KM-the-bandit | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | haxrox | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | cookedgherkins | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boxxy | 421 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | cookedgherkins | 254 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | 185 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #4 | R3KM-the-bandit | 98 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | Minibeats | 95 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Boxxy | +3.45 | 76 | 58 |
| #2 | cookedgherkins | +1.31 | 46 | 46 |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | -0.37 | 57 | 51 |
| #4 | gravy | -0.75 | 27 | 36 |
| #5 | Minibeats | -2.68 | 45 | 37 |





