










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 42 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
481 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,024 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 774 | 26% |
| Smokes | 674 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1078 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 498 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,886 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 182 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⭕⃤ ColdPizzaCrusts | 50% | 24 |
| #2 | Eazy | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | 39% | 31 |
| #4 | cookedgherkins | 34% | 29 |
| #5 | gravy | 34% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Eazy | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | FuckenSassM8 | 39% | 31 |
| #4 | cookedgherkins | 34% | 29 |
| #5 | gravy | 34% | 59 |
| #6 | Minibeats | 13% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gravy | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | FuckenSassM8 | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Eazy | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gravy | 65 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Eazy | 58 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #3 | cookedgherkins | 39 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | FuckenSassM8 | 24 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Minibeats | 19 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cookedgherkins | +4.05 | 56 | 47 |
| #2 | Eazy | +3.41 | 57 | 48 |
| #3 | ⭕⃤ ColdPizzaCrusts | +1.73 | 34 | 23 |
| #4 | FuckenSassM8 | +1.55 | 64 | 44 |
| #5 | gravy | +0.90 | 32 | 24 |





