








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 92 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1763 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,889 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1530 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2711 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2073 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1575 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $616,691 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 420 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DqnnyB | 73% | 26 |
| #2 | Loafy | 63% | 35 |
| #3 | Robbie | 58% | 43 |
| #4 | ✪ Reeves | 56% | 110 |
| #5 | afal | 54% | 176 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | afal | 54% | 176 |
| #6 | ⭕⃤ Ash Stoker | 54% | 52 |
| #7 | Rusty Crowbar | 50% | 18 |
| #8 | Viggo Morgenstein | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Tony Polito | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Reeves | 18 | 0.0078 |
| #2 | ⭕⃤ Ash Stoker | 12 | 0.0113 |
| #3 | afal | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Robbie | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Loafy | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Reeves | 336 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #2 | afal | 314 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | ⭕⃤ Ash Stoker | 107 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | Robbie | 68 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | DqnnyB | 65 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rusty Crowbar | +2.42 | 64 | 78 |
| #2 | afal | +2.24 | 63 | 60 |
| #3 | ⭕⃤ Ash Stoker | +1.62 | 87 | 54 |
| #4 | Salty | -0.09 | 56 | 60 |
| #5 | Tony Polito | -0.19 | 89 | 42 |





